From the Reception Desk: Release 3

by Jymm Gifford

April 21,2006

Dear Sir,

I want first to say how pleased I am to have been removed from my previous situation. It was really just too much. And also, I'd like to thank you for having the insight that a paradise like southern California might be just what I needed after that nuthouse that called itself a real estate firm. Furthermore, I am deeply honored that you selected me to investigate this particular company, which shall hereafter be called "The Corporation."

However, I am skeptical of the wisdom of getting me in on the ground floor. You know that my milieu is administration, and I don't think that retail is really going to be a good fit for me. Aside from that, the only people I work with are powerless underlings like myself, and the slightly more powerful monkeys that make up middle management. Was there no way, sir, to get me into a regional office somewhere? (Or is this punishment for that whole Macaroni fiasco? I already apologized for that, sir. No need to get nasty.)

As far as the customers are concerned, the only thing I can say is that they should think a little more carefully before upsetting the lady with 190 degrees of liquid fire in her hand. On a somewhat related note, the people out here love extra damn caramel. Now I have carpal tunnel syndrome from squeezing those damn bottles.

All protests aside, here is what I have learned so far: nothing. All of the training materials, resource manuals, and the like offer piles of words, with no real content. My coworkers are equally uninformative. They all love "The Corporation". They're forever talking about how awesome "The Corporation" is, and how they'll never leave it, how they're getting their children in on the Baby Training Program (teaching babies to steam perfect cappuccino foam!), and how if "The Corporation" were a person they'd marry him/her. Also, they don't refer to each other by name, only by a seven-digit number unique to each of them. I myself have been assigned such a number, but so far have refused to respond to it when called.

Is there some sort of mind control afoot here? Is it in the coffee? Seems unlikely, otherwise the customers would be much more pleasant. Also, I seem to be experiencing no such effects, and you know I am not one to turn down a cup of coffee. Could it be that "The Corporation" is really just that awesome? Somehow, I am skeptical. This merits further investigation. On Saturday I am attending a workshop call "The Experience". I should have more information after that.

Finally, sir, given the high cost of living in California, and the pay cut I took when I moved here, I suggest that you start paying me a salary. My roommate's cats are looking mighty tasty lately.

-Receptionist Out