From the Reception Desk: Release 2

by Jymm Gifford

June 30, 2005

There are several items to report this month, for the most part dealing with movement of people in and out of the firm. Please see the attached employee roster for a complete list of the changes. Honestly, sir, I am having a hard time keeping track. The Boss seems to hire new people constantly. At times calls will come in for a person that I didn't even know existed, much less worked at this company. The new agents rarely stay here for more than a few days before slipping back into the faceless mass that is Manhattan. And no one ever tells me. I find the lack of information unsettling.

The most notable item is that Kenny G was fired. Having been identified as the nexus of much of the trouble that brews in this office, he was dismissed and told to clean out his desk. This was not completely unexpected, and the thing that makes this notable is that Kenny G has continued to come to work every day since he was fired. He is the first at the office every morning; he comes in wearing a suit and tie (this is a casual dress work environment). He has no desk, so he roams the office, muttering to himself. He also has no extension any more, which means that I have to take messages by hand every time someone calls for him and he is not here. Sir, you know I'm not very good at taking written messages, and even worse at getting them to the right person. As a result, he only gets about a quarter of his calls. He also seems to have no clue that he doesn't work here anymore- he pesters me to give him clients, and complains about the lack of desk. I believe, Sir, that a close eye should be kept on this man. Not because he might be a useful source of information but because he may, indeed, be dangerous. I believe I saw something like this in a movie once. It didn't end well.

The other notable firing was that of Suzette. She and the Boss had another of their huge fights, and he finally just told her to get out. She appeared a few days later to beg for the job back but the Boss was firm, and told her in no uncertain terms that she was through here. Unlike Kenny G, she has not returned since. She has, however, become immensely paranoid, as evidenced by the following phone call which I received a few days after her dismissal:

Me: Hello?
Strange Voice: Are you in the office?
Me: Umm…no?
Strange Voice: Are you alone?
Me: Yes…
Strange Voice: This is Suzette.
Me: Oh.
Suzette: So, what are they saying about me? Did you hear what happened?
Me: Well, I heard that you got fired. But I was there when it happened. No one is saying anything about you.
Suzette: Well don't believe anything they say!
Me: Suzette, I've gotta go. I want to eat my sandwich, and there's this pigeon eyeing me up.
Suzette: I read you loud and clear. You call me when you're alone again, and we'll chat.

I can only assume that years of Botoxing her face have damaged her brain in some way. Which is a shame, because it didn't really do much for her face.

The new hires are an unexceptional group. Just the usual bunch of misfits and freaks that usually wind up at this office. Most of them will be gone by the end of the month in any case, so I've learned not to get attached. The only one who might be worth some investigation is Susy, who has attached herself to me like an enthusiastic puppy. She follows me to the bathroom, hangs out constantly at my desk, and she inevitably finds me when I am trying to have a cigarette break. My attempts to politely put her off have been to no avail. She finally told me that I must not be a people person, and that I intimidate her. But she keeps coming around, Sir. I think she's working for the enemy. She must be destroyed.

That brings me to my conclusion. I received your stipend, Sir, and I just want to congratulate you on your fine sense of humor. I was incredibly amused. But in all seriousness, if you don't send some money soon, I may have to take up residence in a box on the street. You wouldn't want that, would you Sir?

-Receptionist Out