Gareth Edel Presents

The Official Guide to Stooping:

#1 - The Zen of Stone Sitting

The fine art of watching the world pass you by is an underrated entertainment in this day and age. I have always been a big fan of this age old pass time and in fact have been a vocal advocate of it as both a hobby and a vocation.

There are many ways to watch the world pass, but the most sublime; the most enjoyable of them all is the classic New York pastime of stooping. What is stooping, you might ask? Well for those who don't know the word, I don't mean bending over. That would be a silly way to spend your free time. The fact is I have never met anyone who wasn't from New York who knew what stooping really was.

The word stooping has two meanings, one, which is a simple and unentertaining action, to be bent over. The other meaning of the word stooping is a state of being, the basic act is the sitting in a public place on a set of steps or a ledge in front of a building. But beyond this simple foundation comes the amazing life altering nature of this act. It is a classically New York act which allows the development of community, the widening of perspectives, and the interaction of many people who might not come into contact in the modern sterile and impersonal world. In my opinion, most of the major problems in the world would be solved by more stooping. But that is another article.

In this article I only want to explain how to stoop and how to choose a good location. Let this serve as a warning that one day in the future I will prostheletize at you good reader, and try to convince you of the unparalleled virtues of stooping, but for today let's begin with a simple how to guide.

How To Get Started:

General Tips:

Dress down, there is no need to impress anyone when you are stooping if you don't want to. I recommend clothing, which you do not mind getting dirty, nothing fancy; something that will blend into the background of the place you will be sitting. You shouldn't draw attention. Also for paranoia's sake wear shoes you could run in, you never know when you will need them.

Mugger money, a concept you may be familiar with, it is carrying a ten or twenty dollar bill, or all your cash separated from your wallet and other valuables, so that if someone did decide to mug you, you wouldn't lose everything. I should also suggest that if you go out to stoop, you don't need any jewelry or fancy toys, this refers to PDAs and all the other things our lives are cluttered with.

Bring a drink if you want, there is no reason not to bring coffee or tea, I recommend, as someone who has received a ticket for an open alcohol container in public, that you do not have an open alcohol container in public. If you absolutely have to drink, add a little nip to the bottle of coke, or the cup of coffee you bring, don't go for the beer in a bag, it is too obvious.

Bring extra cigarettes if you smoke, there has never been a time when this is truer, all of us are amazed at how expensive it is suddenly, and people will ask you for cigarettes. If you don't want to share, keep an extra pack with only one cigarette in it, so you can take it out and 'realize' that you are almost out.

There are appropriate toys and accessories that can be fun to bring with you. I recommend a book or newspaper. If you have a cell phone bring it, it may be useful, but don't decide you are bored and spend the entire time talking on the phone, you aren't going to be stooping if you do. If you have a pet that is relatively quiet and enjoys people around then it can be a fun accessory, a skittish or shy animal would be a bad idea, but one of the finest stoopers I ever saw had a kitten sleeping in his jacket on his legs, It was a magnificent conversation starter, and I am sure a great way to meet women.

Legality:

USE COMMON SENSE! There is never enough common sense, and what there is, is not very common.

The three basic suggestions that I want to start with: First that you should always sit where you are welcome, where you have permission to sit, and where you wont be in the way. Most of the time you will not be able to get permission, but it is nice when you do get it. The fact is if you are stooping for a while you will eventually be rousted, but if you try to do those three things it will happen far less often. Frequently you cannot match all three of these prerequisites, so I suggest that you use common sense.

Being rousted is when someone in a position of authority makes you move. This will frequently be a police officer but may be the building owner or a store or restaurant employee, depending on the locations you frequent. This is different from leaving of your own free will called either fleeing or relocating, because to be rousted you must be ordered to move by someone else. Usually with a threat of punishment attached. I strongly recommend that you respond to rousting politely and quickly, on the other hand, it almost never hurts to ask the "roust-er" whether you may stay, and explain politely you aren't hurting anything, and you aren't making a mess.

Groups:

The matter of stooping in groups or alone is a matter of personal taste but you have to keep in mind that a large group has disadvantages beyond the scope of this article to list. A few short examples are a) there are anti gang laws in New York, which allow the police to hold groups that loiter until they check ID and run you through the computer. b) Whether you are classically drawn cartoon geeks and nerds, or old men, no matter how harmless you look you will draw more attention and cause more people to be cautious of a group in general. c) You would obviously need a much larger stoop, I believe that this is the most important point of the three. Stooping is most fun for me when done in groups of three or less.

Litter:

Inevitably when I talk about stooping I will mention a word of caution about littering. In the first place, if you litter much you run the risk of a cop getting a hard on to give you a hard time. Also in most cases you are sitting in someone else's space and hoping for their permission to sit there for a while. If you litter all over the place you are being disrespectful and this will lead to a general reluctance or conceivably hostility towards stooping on the location. The fact is most places don't have garbage cans sitting in front of them so I recommend bringing a plastic bag, or keeping the bag you brought a drink in to put all garbage in. Then when you leave you take the bag to throw away on the nearest corner.

Population:

You should never stoop on a deserted street! I cannot stress this point enough…. Statistically you are always more likely to be the victim of violent crime when there are few other people around. The chances are much higher that if you are sitting alone on a dark street that other people will be frightened to walk past you…the reason for this is that they know the preceding to be true (even if only subconsciously). And, finally, you should always pick a well traveled street or location, because a big part of the experience of stooping is the interaction of looking at people walking by and interacting with other people who take the time to notice the world around them.

The Steps:

It may seem silly to some of you, but the fact is there really is a difference between steps as to which ones are comfortable to sit on. This wont matter much if you get bored after five minutes, but if you can find a good comfortable spot it will decrease the chances of that happening.

I recommend a building with an open banister, a solid brick wall banister or any other style which is closed, will block your vision. It is also nice to have something to lean against so a staircase with a banister is a good way to keep your options open. Of course, this is a secondary concern to others.

Steps are built differently and I have to suggest that you pay attention to how the steps are measured. Stairs are measured by the Rise (the height of the step) and the Run (the depth of the step). Therefore, if you are a fat ass, as I am, you need a deep run. This is the actual size of the step, is it deep enough to sit on comfortably, this may seem silly, but it will make a difference in the time you sit there, even if it doesn't come into your notice, when you walk up and down. The rise is less important, but can still affect comfort, because it will dictate to what angle your legs are angled, this will be more of a problem for longer legged people, who on some stair cases will end up having to sprawl, to be comfortable.

Location in general:

The stairs you choose will have lots of relationships connecting them to the world around them, and one of theses is obvious to me, but I feel I should mention it. If there is a gate at the base of the steps, it is there to keep people off them. No, the fact that it is unlocked doesn't matter, unless you can get permission, never open a gate. Resources nearby will ad a lot to the experience: Is there a source of beverages, is there a nearby garbage can. Can you count on a flow of people in the area: this can be assisted by choosing a site near restaurants, clubs, and other social, people drawing attractions.

SO NOW WHAT:

Those were some basic tips on how to choose a place to stoop. But why would you want to stoop? Well, maybe you don't, but I suggest that it can be a lot of fun. It is cheap, if done properly it is safe, and it is a way of seeing the city that most people miss out on.

I think that for all the people who watch sex in the city and think that that is what the city looks like there is something missing. Foremost is that no one in real life can live like the people on TV, and also because there is a great city out there that is much more creative in its characters than are TV writers.

I have spent countless hours siting outside and relaxing, and seeing what the world brings to me, the city sends all sorts of people all over for an enormous list of reasons. Try this in a park sometime, on a bench at a bus stop with a bench, or anywhere else people wait, or you feel comfortable. See if you like being around people. You will get a chance to look into their lives. Listen to what they talk about around you, look at them (do not Stare). Be aware of the diversity of life happening whenever you walk down the block. Enjoy Stooping if you dare.