A few weeks ago, The New York Times reviewed Owen Wilson’s latest classic of American cinema, "The Big Bounce" – a butchered version of a typically clever Elmore Leonard novel. The review compared casting Owen Wilson in the movie to putting Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson in "Pulp Fiction" as Jules and Vincent in "Pulp Fiction." This being the 10th anniversary of Mr. Tarantino's magnum upus, this got us Hoboes talking about who else would be cast in a Ben/Owen version of "Pulp Fiction." We came up with this list… We thought you might get a kick out of it. It works best if you picture seminal lines of dialogue from Pulp Fiction said through the mouths of these Gen X geniuseses…

Ben Stiller as Jules Winnfield – “So…in Amsterdam…it was Amsterdam, right? They…uh…you can smoke dope?”
Owen Wilson as Vincent Vega – “Not only can you smoke it, you can…whoa…uh…you can…damn, I totally forgot what I was going to say…”

Jeanine Garofalo as Mia Wallace – “He said ‘Ketchup’. You see, it would be funnier if I was still 22 and skinny and pretty.”

Jerry Stiller as Marcellus Wallace – “At the end of the third round, your ass goes DOWN! DOOOOWWWWWN! DO YOU HEAR ME?!?”

Luke Wilson as Butch Coolidge – “There’s an unmitigated disaster pending in my future. When I think of what will happen in the fight, I immediately think back on my childhood. You see, I never really got to know my father. I got to know the watch that he’d carried up his ass…”

Adam Sandler as Capt. Koons – “Your daddy was a brave, brave man. But he also got shot and nearly killed. He carried this watch inside of his rectum for you for years and years and years. When he finally gave it to me, it was all poopy.”

Will Ferrel as Lance – “Prank call! Prank call! My GOD! Here I am all naked standing in the middle of the street, trying to subtly sell drugs over the phone, and you blow it by talking on a cell phone! Damn! Fuckbeans!”

Vince Vaughn as Jimmie – “(unintelligible southern drawl)”

Rodney Dangerfield as Winston "The Wolf" Wolfe – “No respect. No respect. I come in here to help you guys clean a bucket of brains out of the back of a nice car...Man...this guy's head is completely empty. Reminds me of my wallet after my first divorce. My wife even took the picture of our kids. No respect…”

Jack Black as Maynard – “Nobody kills anybody in my place except for me or Zed.”
Mike White as Zed – “(absolute silence)”
Andy Dick as The Gimp – “My god! Would you believe that they keep me in that tiny little box? It's kind of spooky...ooooo..."

Tracy Morgan in drag as Fabienne - “Yeah, I’d like to have a nice round belly. One you can just grab on to and hold and go ‘Damn! That’s a belly! That’s what I’m talking about!’ Yeah… Butch, you’re crazy.”

and...
Jon Favreau as Ringo (Pumpkin)
Drew Barrymore as Yolanda (Honey Bunny)
Joan Cusak as Esmerelda Villalobos
Heather Graham as Jody
Fran Drescher as Trudi
Jenna Jameson as Raquel
Jimmy Fallon, Rob Schneider, David Cross, and Orlando Jones as the Kahuna Burger scene guys

If anybody has friends in Hollywood who can make this so, it would be most appreciated. We don’t even need Associate Producer credits, although that’d be nice…

Tyler M. Carey
Publisher and Editor-in-Chief, The Great Hoboes of New York
March, 2004