Thursday August 14, 2003

4:11 PM
transcript from Mark's constantly running tape recorder
"I'm…I'm not sure what's just happened…testing…testing?!? Hello? I sure hope the batteries are working inside of you, you fucker. And may GOODDD hang the Duracell bunny if not………the lights…according to the radio, the lights have just gone out for much of the Northeast…I was not spared part of this tragedy…It seems that the Bunker is dimmer than usual in the fading evening twilight……..aw, who the fuck am I kidding? It's only 4 o'clock. We've still got another four hours of light…I'm…I'm going to try to call my campaign manager to see how he's faring…"

4:14 PM
transcript from Mark's constantly running tape recorder
"The lines are all jammed into and out of New York…it's no use…that poor bastard's probably climbing down the stairs in whatever skyscraper he's working in these days…If pandemonium breaks out down there, I may be out of a campaign manager…heck, if this really is the apocalypse, I may be out of a campaign………No, no…that's all wrong…I've just seen 28 Days way too many fucking times…things will be alright…worst case scenario, I'll nominate Wade as my new campaign manager…he's a sneaky little shit, he'll be able to pull it off…"

4:20 PM
recreated transcript of a call between Karl Moore and Mark Hugo
Karl: Mon Capitane! Are you alright?
Mark: Yes sir, Number One. I have enough salt pork and hard tack to hold me down, here. Yourself?
Karl: I'm fine. Our power only blipped on and off for a second.
Mark: You self-righteous shit. I'm gonna need you to come down here immediately. You may need to help me maintain martial law in my neighborhood.
Karl: Martial Law? You live in suburban Connecticut.
Mark: When the going gets tough, the weak become desperate.
Karl: Did you just make that up?
Mark: Yessir.
Karl: (laughs) And that's why you're my leader. Want me to pick anything up from the package store on my way down?
Mark: Well…I guess we're gonna need a few bottles of Old Crow, about eight cases of beer, three jugs of sangria, lots of citrus…
Karl: Mark, I think power will be back on in a day or two.
Mark: You're right…better make that ten cases. Hyah, Mule! Hyah!

5:27 PM
recreated transcript of a call between Mark Hugo and Marlene Schweikert
Mark: Marlene? It's Mark.
Marlene: Hi, Mark. How're you doing?
Mark: I'm…I'm pulling through. I'm prepping for all the madness to hit.
Marlene: Madness?
Mark: Yes, with the power outage. Have you heard from your boyfriend at all?
Marlene: Yeah, Tyler's headed to the Williamsburg Bridge.
Mark: Are you OK? Do you want me to have Karl send some supplies your way?
Marlene: Supplies? Mark, the power's back on here. I'm sitting in a mall food court having some sesame chicken.
Mark: You're in a mall? Good, good! Keep shopping! I'm going to rely on you to keep the economy going during all of this. Has Tyler ever offered you the Secretary of the Treasury position?
Marlene: Huh?
Mark: I've got to go. Got to maintain the batteries. Semper Fi!

9:58 PM
recreated transcript of a call between Tyler Carey and Mark Hugo
Tyler: Mark? The connection's really bad. I'm lost somewhere in Brooklyn, and it's pitch black.
Mark: Really? That's awesome.
Tyler: What? It sounded like you said 'That's awesome'.
Mark: I did! I bet you can see all sorts of stars and shit. Probably the Horse Nebula or some crap, too. Right?
Tyler: Well, yeah, but I can't really see if there's some freak in an alley looking to rid me of my wallet either.
Mark: You paintywaist. You think some hoodlum is going to kill you in the middle of the blackout?
Tyler: I'm in Park Slope. I'm worried some yuppie is going to kill me in the middle of the blackout.
Mark: I spoke with your girlfriend. I think we should make her Secretary of the Treasury.
Tyler: Can we talk campaign talk later? I'm honestly worried about my safety. I'm gonna go. Okay?
Mark: Eye on the prize. Survival. Okay, I can respect that. Talk to you, soon.

11:56 PM
recreated transcript of a call between Karl Moore and Tyler Carey
Karl: Tyler…
Tyler: What's that Karl? I can barely hear you. I'm finally on a bus that's going the right place, and my battery's dying.
Karl: Tyler, I'm in Mark's car, and he's driving along the back country roads with his lights out. There are no streetlights, so there's no light at all.
Tyler: What the fuck are you calling me for? Take the wheel from him! Turn the lights on!
Karl: I can't! It's like he's in some sort of zen trance.
Tyler: How long has he been doing this?
Karl: We're about halfway through a Ramones CD, so I guess about fifteen minutes.
Tyler: Fifteen minutes without hitting anything?
Karl: Yup. Completely flying blind.
Tyler: Wow! That's amazing! …sorry lady, I'm on the phone with the future leaders of America… Anyway, Karl, you were saying?
Karl: I'm scared shitless! What if we hit a tree or something?
Tyler: Are you kidding? He's like a regular old Luke Skywalker. Sounds like he's in touch with the force.
Karl: What? You're supposed to be the rational one!
Tyler: And I am! This has to be studied! I say we take him down to some lab at Johns Hopkins and test him for ESP and stuff once the power's back on! A psychic for President! Imagine that! See if the power's back on at the Blue Colony, yet. I'd love to know if he can bend spoons with his mind…
Mark (in background): We need more volume! (the sound of the Ramones' "Blitzkrieg Bop" drowning out the silence of the darkness…)

THE MARK HUGO ARCHIVE
The Article That Started it All - Mark's Gubernatorial Campaign Announcement.

Bad Night in The Bunker - Strategy Gone Awry.

Strike A Pose - Image Consultancy in the Post-Carville Era.

An All Time Low.

A Tape Transcript.

Mark's Gubernatorial Concession Speech.

The Beginnings of Mark's Presidential Campaign.

Angry Sports, Elmer Gantry, and Freedom Fries.

Orange Alert, Again.

Mermaid Parade Invitational.

American Idols.

The First Parade.

Independence Day.

California Dreamin'.

Please email your support and suggestions to: tyler@greathoboes.com. Remember, vote early, and vote often!

Tyler M. Carey
Publisher and Editor-in-Chief, The Great Hoboes of New York
Apparent Campaign Manager, Mark Hugo for President '04 Campaign