Mister Kurtz, he dead. Mr. Hugo? He's in Valhalla, now. Valhalla, NY. At the payphone of the Mobil station near the highway. At least that's where he was when he left the following on my voicemail. He's yet to accept defeat, despite the fact that with 92% of the precincts reporting, it looks like Mr. Hugo may have lost his NYS gubernatorial bid by a few million votes. There are even allegations floating around that he didn't even get a single vote...

Friends, Hoboes, Connecticuttians...I'm leaving this message on the voicemail of my deceased campaign manager. I've yet to hear a confirmation that he is dead, but since I just spent the past few hours, and many quarters, talking with electorates from District 9, where he lives, and no votes were cast for me... I can only assume that he is dead. What kind of rotten campaign manager wouldn't vote for his own employer? The fact that I've neither paid him nor promised him any sort of remuneration may have affected his decision. Additionally, I did make him turn over his remaining cash to me last week, to foot a week of whistle-stopping, hand shaking and baby kissing. I've shaken so many greasy hands and kissed so many ugly babies over the past week... Jesus...

Was the notion of a man from Connecticut as the Governor of New York too much for New Yorkers to bear? I mean, George Pataki? He looks like Goofy, for Chrissake. Tom Golisano just reeks of thuggishness and anger. And McCall - that poor bastard...his own party wouldn't run him. I had to do my part. It didn't make much of a difference this time around, I suppose. But, the two-party system is probably the greatest evil our time faces. We have to do everything possible to provide Americans with alternatives, even if they're chump alternatives like the Marijuana Reform Party or the Hobo Party. I mean for fuck's sake, Senator Kerry ran UNOPPOSED by a major party in Massachusetts. It was Kerry and a few freaks, including Libertarian spin doctor Michael Cloud on the ballot. Kerry spent millions, and even the Libs couldn't afford to foot a legitimate campaign in his face. I mean, if the Republican Party is going to be around, the least they can do is run somebody. I'd rather have that fake banana republic democracy where we have a choice between two of the same people, instead of just one stooge on the ballot. That's the way they elect people in Iraq, for Chrissake.

But I'm not angry at that rotten campaign manager of mine...Tyler, if you're alive and around...get ready...We lost this one, but sonofabitch, I've got my eyes on some real estate in DC...a nice white house on Pennsylvania Avenue will do nicely...For the '04 campaign we're going to need some things. Take this down: stickers, boater hats, lots and lots of fucking flags...oh, and a platform would be good, too...

At this point, my voicemail cut the good gubernatorial candidate off. It was a crying shame that he lost. Well, maybe not crying. I didn't shed too many tears. Mark's right. Onwards and upwards. This was practice - amateurish at best, but we got some moves down. I just need to shave my head like James Carville and adopt a patois. Maybe Mark should do the same. We launch the exploratory committee next week. I've just got to find out what an "exploratory committee" is, first.

THE MARK HUGO ARCHIVE
The Article That Started it All - Mark's Campaign Announcement.

Bad Night in The Bunker - Strategy Gone Awry.

Strike A Pose - Image Consultancy in the Post-Carville Era.

An All Time Low.

A Tape Transcript.

We hope to have more insights from the inner circle of this, New York's last best hope for a great governor, quite soon. In the meantime, please email your support and suggestions to: tyler@greathoboes.com. Remember, vote early, and vote often!

Tyler M. Carey
Publisher and Editor-in-Chief, The Great Hoboes of New York
Apparent Campaign Manager, Mark Hugo for Governor Campaign
October 30, 2002