On the Quality of Things, #7
Spring Re-cap

by Wade Stuckwisch

Spring! Spring, spring, spring. Is it just me, or did there used to be some halfway decent movies released in spring? Now it seems like between the Summer Blockbusters and the Winter Holiday Blockbusters, Hollywood seems content to just fill theaters with a slew of "also ran" productions that mimic bigger releases but weren't quite up to snuff. Maybe I just had better things to think about besides movies back when I was in college, or high school, or kindergarten or whatever. At least there's flowers in spring. Flowers are nice. So maybe when you read the reviews of all these lackluster movies from this late winter and spring, you can just think of big yellow lilies or tulips or something. Enjoy.

Shanghai Knights: Anybody see Shanghai Noon? Well, Shanghai Knights retains the same two principal cast members in the same two lead roles, the same humor, and the same love of playing fast and loose with history. The Jackie Chan fight sequences may not be quite as thrilling as in some of his other movies, but Chan adds a touch of Buster Keaton to the mix this time around, making for some enjoyable stunts. It's not the most memorable movie, but it's as least as fun as its predecessor.

Tears Of The Sun: I really wanted to like this movie. I really want to say that this was the best movie of the fall. I was truly excited to see a brave, edgy movie with an undeniable political message from a (relatively) young director, and I yearned for it to find an audience. But as happy as I am to see Antione Fuqua using his success with Training Day to make a movie like Tears of the Sun, I have to admit that this movie never offered the audience much of a hook. While the tragedy and horror of civil warfare in Africa was undeniably compelling, and showing what could happen if the US intervened was thought-provoking, the slow pace of Tears of the Sun and the long sequences in almost total darkness were just too much for a movie that was too quiet for an action spectacular and too flat for high drama. Still, I would rather see a million movies like Tears of the Sun, where a good director tries to make a meaningful film and fails, than a million movies like, say, Any Given Sunday or 2 Fast 2 Furious.

Daredevil: Some time last summer, not too long after Spiderman, a friend clued me in that Daredevil was coming to the big screen. I was a little surprised when, a mere eight months or so later, Daredevil was already in theaters. And given the seemingly quick turnaround, I'm not a bit surprised with the results. It's a flat-footed, ill-conceived soulless attempt to cash in on the superhero trend, and never aspires to be anything greater. I would blame Ben Affleck or Jennifer Garner for being as exciting as a very attractive mud puddle, but neither really had much in the script to work with. Colin Farrell is probably the only person who should come out of this movie with his eyes raised above ground level. Not since - well, any given Al Pacino performance of the last fifteen years - have I seen anyone gnaw at the scenery as hard as Farrell in this movie, but considering his character Bullseye has approximately six lines, a little ham and a lot of cheese was the only way to add any flavor to the part.

Chicago: Yes, I dissed Chicago in one of my last columns without seeing it. And now that I've seen it, I have no regrets. Enough ink has been spilled over Chicago by people who enjoyed it, so I'll just say that if you're not a fan of movie musicals, this one is pretty much going to look like every other movie musical made after 1970 that you've ever seen. I never thought that a movie would make me wistful for Dancer in the Dark, but this one did it. Hey, I call 'em as I see 'em.

Cradle 2 The Grave: There were two scenes that made this movie worth the $3 I paid to see it: The DMX quad chase scene intercut with a terrific Jet Li fight sequence, all set to the tune of "X Gon Give It To Ya"; and the Gabrielle Union lap dance shortly before that. I never thought I would see a flick where Tom Arnold made the movie, but he and Anthony Anderson (who absolutely steals scenes) provide just enough comic relief to distract the audience between fight sequences. Kiss of the Dragon is still probably my current favorite among Jet Li's post-Hong Kong movies, but this one should please fans.

Head Of State: It's your basic "what if" premise: What if a black man - a young, outspoken political outsider at that - ran for President? The short answer, which becomes one of the movie's running gags, is that he would get shot. But beyond that, anyone expecting a Bullworth-style polemic will be pleasantly surprised just how funny this movie can be without losing its political edge. Chris Rock may be known for his smart satire, but this movie proves he hasn't forgotten the value of a cheap joke or a funny sight gag. Finally, a political movie that an audience can actually enjoy...

A Man Apart: A friend told me several years ago that I couldn't write an honest review of American Pie without first seeing Porky's. (Later on I did see Porky's and, in my humble opinion, American Pie was a lot better that Porky's.) That said, I'm not sure I can honestly assess A Man Apart as I have never seen any of the Death Wish movies. The cop revenge thing has been done to death, and this movie fails utterly to breathe any new life into such a tired idea, defying Vin Diesel's considerable talent for weaving gold from B-grade material.

House of 1000 Corpses: Ah, finally a fresh (if blood-scented) breeze in an otherwise lackluster spring. If you've heard anything about this movie, you've probably heard from mainstream critics that it was gory and disgusting, and from gorehounds that it was tame and boring. There's just no pleasing some people. Certainly the reaction to this movie would have been different if Lions Gate had released it in an uncut NC-17 or unrated version, but as released the movie retains enough of its character - and power to disturb - to make it more than worthwhile. There's an art to what Rob Zombie does with images of horror, both theatrical and real, that goes beyond the usual kitschy heavy metal iconography of skulls and pentacles. House of 1000 Corpses very effectively takes the images we would usually consider schlocky and cartoonish, and reinvigorates them with the underlying horror they once tried to represent. Making this film about a group of youths hunting after rural American oddities makes it all the more effective - it drives home Rob Zombie's distaste for the clean suburban irony of Hollywood thrillers, and also tricks its target audience into actually sympathizing with the characters who are about to be killed in all sorts of ghastly manners. The intense stylization might lead some viewers too far outside the movie's reality to truly horrify them, but overall I would say House of 1000 Corpses is a welcome new twist in the modern pursuit if horror.

Anger Management: OK, so you got your Adam Sandler, and you got your Jack Nicholson. There's no denying, these two are a winning combination, and they play off each other so perfectly that it would be tough to make a truly bad movie with them. Anger Management tries really hard to be bad - many of the jokes in this movie would fall flat on their ass without Sandler and Nicholson there to chew some flavor out of them. Other than the addition of Nicholson, Anger Management fails to distinguish itself too much from any of Sandler's other recent movies (excluding Punch Drunk Love, of course). But if you enjoyed movies like Mr. Deeds, as I did, you'll probably leave Anger Management satisfied.

Identity: This is the kind of movie that, as a critic, it's easy to be dismissive of. It borrows heavily from prior horror films, especially Hitchcock thrillers like Psycho. The characters are dull and paper-thin, which is appropriate since they seem to be ripped from a million different pulp novels. And the plot falls in line with a bevy of modern suspense thrillers that throw in a completely unpredictable twist in the third act just the throw the audience for a loop. I could actually justify all those characteristics in the context of the movie, but that would involve completely spoiling the big twist. So while I can critcally say that No Exit or Camus's The Plague might have been a more suitable novel to appear on John Cusak's car seat instead of Sartre's Being And Nothingness, otherwise I'm going to look past this movie's faults and say that it was actually an interesting thriller. Plus, seeing Jake Busey of "Shasta McNasty" fame in a serious role, as a psychotic killer, is a treat. Clea DuVall should've married me instead of that jerk guy, though. (I love you, Clea!)

-May 29th, 2003