On the Quality of Things, #13
Advanced Screening Review: THE PUNISHER
It's not a review...IT'S PUNISH---nah, just kidding

by Wade Stuckwisch
illustration by Jacob Chabot

You may be wondering how I got to see The Punisher two days before its gala release. You may also be wondering how I got to see X2 before its release last summer, and wonder if it’s some sort of Marvel connection. To that I say… NEVER YOU MIND! My secrets are mine to keep! Investigate no further!

Regardless, I did manage to catch The Punisher at a special day and time, and also got to watch the movie in the same theater as the star, Thomas Jane. I must say that starring in a movie based on a popular pre-existing character, and then watching said movie in a theater full of fans of the character, must be a nerve-wracking experience. Imagine George Clooney watching a screening of Batman and Robin in a theater full of comic-book geeks, and you can see what I mean. In fact, I doubt he would live, which would be a tragedy, especially considering how little he was to blame for the end results of that production. The bloody demise of Chris O’Donnell or Alicia Silverstone, on the other hand, would simply be an unwarranted burden on the janitorial staff. But I digress.

I’m fairly certain that the reason you continue to read this drivel is that you want to know about the quality of the movie, The Punisher. So back to the primary story arc. Like me, you may have been observing the development of this movie, as well as the preceding advertisements, with some trepidation. At some point you may have visited IMDB and asked, “Wait, why is the Punisher this pretty boy blond guy? Isn’t he supposed to be a Vietnam vet? Shouldn’t he have a five o’clock shadow? Is this movie going to suck?” Well, yes and no. For example, the first twenty or thirty minutes, where we learn Frank Castle’s backstory (Frank Castle being The Punisher, for the uninitiated), really suck. I believe the recent Dawn of the Dead remake holds a valuable lesson for many filmmakers: the quickest route from point A to point B is a straight line. If you are making an action movie and your audience already knows the backstory, get through it as quickly as possible. “Gee, these zombies are everywhere.” “Fuck. Let’s go to the mall.” Badda-bing, badda-boom. The Punisher, on the other hand, chooses to stretch out the “Hey I’m a cop, oh shit you just killed my family” portion of the film - which anyone who has seen a TV ad, much less read the comics, already knows – for a painfully long amount of screen time. The actual family slaughter progresses at such an excruciatingly slow pace that you would think it was in slow motion, and the flat-footed pacing of editing was reminiscent of a student film. You would think the filmmakers would want to get over and done with something as discomforting as the death of a man’s family as quickly as possible, but who am I to second-guess professionals?

The good news is, after some very awkward first steps, the killing begins and the film finds its legs. At first I began to think, “Well, this film is bad, but at least it’s bad in a funny way.” Gradually, though, the film succeeded in working the comedy for intentional laughs instead of sardonic snickers. The contrast between the reclusive Frank Castle and his well-intentioned loser neighbors is a dependable ironic juxtaposition, and The Punisher’s one-liners are a tasty aperitif to whet the audience’s appetite for the inevitable slayings. In the end, my only wish is that the movie had trimmed some of the set-up to spend more time on the good material, like The Pun’s tussle with Harry Heck (quite a fascinating character, given his limited screen time) or his knock-down, drag-out battle with The Russian. The filmmakers struck a surprisingly nimble balance among comedy, disturbing violence and enjoyable violence in a Tarantino-esque way (and that’s a compliment, not a subtle dig), and in the end, The Punisher was a very enjoyable movie. So kudos to you, Thomas Jane, and hold your head high, knowing that The Punisher was, all in all, a pretty good flick, and your rendition of The Punisher was as good as any. (Except maybe, as someone on IMDB suggested, if Henry Rollins had done it. But that would be a completely different movie.) And if anyone is to blame for the movie’s flat spots, it would be the director. So congrats, Thomas Jane, and Semper Fi!

-April 14, 2004