Moving Back In:

A Hobo Guide to Loafing, Loving and Living when You're Back at Home

by Justin Philpot

Some would rather be found dead, the sounds of an infinitely skipping limited edition White Stripes LP echoing amongst the trinkets of hipster squalor. Others seem to find a beauty in defeat and embrace the cease fire conditions - go home, and try not to speak of politics. This is for those who, in true hobo style, are forced to make the best of a bad situation.

And make no mistake of it, it's bad. Be us ever so humble, we do go back home.

Acceptance

"Listen. Billy Pilgrim has become unstuck in time." Yes, he has. And he, like you perhaps, must come to deal with it. Moving back home is a new reality, and requires a new way of thinking about yourself, others, time, and everything. It has been said that there is no torture that lasts a hundred years, and no body that could stand it if there was. Wise people would point out that the smart thing to do would be to just accept it and move on, instead of trying to test the validity of that statement. Accept this about moving home: your parents are not wise, and they will torture you, for a hundred years if capable, if only because they can. Accept this. Be wise.

Loafing

Moving back home allows for reflection of the most dangerous kind. You have accepted your position - there is no time now to linger on how you got there. Be confident. You have done all that you could. This is your chance to live in the moment. Simply be. Yes, you have time. Time to save. But in the time you've taken to consider your options, a thousand million lifetimes have passed you by. Now is gone - long ago lost. Be. Every moment is perfect. Do not wish to have them be other moments, or compare them to moments passed. This is opportunity made tangible. Appreciate it.

Loving

The lucky among us have support in the form of beautiful individuals who, at times, also like to hug and kiss us. Its best to make sure your parents aren't in the room should wonderful people choose to visit you. You must relinquish your hastily prepared evening meal, along with your opinions and helping hands, in favor of something intricate enough to justify the company your being home has wrought. Speak not of employment, politics or the lack of ice hockey this year. Eat slowly and frequently glance at your guest in the hope of implying significant genetic variation. When you later spend the evening together do not speak of the dinner. Lay in your old bed and talk about high school. Enjoy the company.

The Internet/Associated Media

Do not look at sites about your high school or any reunion site. Send email notes to friends, but spend only a couple of hours instant messaging. Set aside specific hours to look for work. Try to avoid sites for local papers. You do not need to see pictures of people you know who are now married, getting married, or announcing the birth of children. Maintain interests, but do not be obsessive. Apply similar to cable news, Time-esque magazines and your parent's paperback collection. Revel in free internet access.

Time back at home will be short. Allow it to be as it is. When people speak of the economy, change the subject. Ask when you can start cooking outside. Imply that there is no time like the present.

-Posted to The Great Hoboes of New York on April 1, 2005